Can you say "No"?

I chatted with an old friend of mine couple of days ago over a cup of coffee. For a long time, I have always thought that her family was taking advantage of her just because she is a really really nice person. They step on her like a door mat all the time and I have known her for over 20 years. To me, it is sad.

As usual she was complaining about her sister and her parents and suddenly I realized that, her family is not the real problem. It is her inability to say "No". She feels bad when she refuses them so she almost never declines anything.

There is nothing wrong with saying "no" when you do not want to do something. I am not talking about being selfish here. I am just saying if you will feel bad about something later and resent it, do not accept it in the first place. There is only so much one person can do within her/his schedule, abilities, patience and stamina. It is absolutely OK to say "no" when you know you need to.

I never had her kind of problems with my family because I think we all have a sense of sharing the load when things must be done. Besides, we can openly tell each other whether we can do something or not without getting anybody's feelings hurt. We know and accept what each other likes and dislikes. This does not mean we do not argue, we do but, we never stop talking to each other or apologize.

I love my family to the moon and back but that does not mean that I would always accept anything and everything they may ask. I know they feel the same and it's OK.