Yesterday I had a very relaxing and fun day with my old colleagues at Buyukada, the largest of the Prince Islands. Good food, lots of laughs and a good deal of walking around... Gill, I am sorry I did not take any photos. My bad!
I have another set of old colleagues whom I see very frequently but lately, I started having second thoughts about the dynamics of this group. Something has changed and I am not sure I like it. This is really difficult to explain but, it seems like there may be something more than just friendship in some people's minds about some of the others in the group. There are 3 guys and 4 ladies including yours truly in this group.
One of our girlfriends is getting a divorce and the other is not too far from the same situation with her husband. So, obviously these ladies are in a vulnerable state. They are very close friends. They seem to be having some romantic thoughts about their future sort of like a twentysomething would envision. Being a realist, I think they are opening themselves up for further disappointment.
What bugs me is not just this. There are two guys in this group who seem to be interested in either of these ladies. May be both of the guys like the same person but, I am not sure. I am just feeling uncomfortable when around them. This started a few months ago when we even did not know about the divorce situation. There is nothing out in the open but, I sensed subtle signs.
Last time we were together was a disaster. The girlfiriend who is getting a divorce got herself very drunk, totally out of character and, although I was ready to go home, they insisted on going to a bar after dinner. Two of our friends apologized and went home. I should have done the same thing but I was really worried that the remaining people had too much to drink and could put themselves at risk. Besides I had my car to take them all home as I always do. So, leaving them behind with no car at night seemed wrong. Being the only sober person, I felt I had to hang with them. It was a huge mistake on my part. That night, I noticed more of what I had sensed earlier.
One of the guys insisted on going to a particular place and made us walk for a good 15 minutes. When we reached his suggested place, at the entrance, I told them that I was ready to call it a night and that I decided to go home. The place did not look right to me and the three bodyguards at the entrance were just too much. When I anounced that I was going home, the rest of the people decided not to go in as well. So, our friend who suggested the place got pissed and started an argument with me. Unfortunately, I was tired and fed up so, I ended up arguing with him instead of keeping cool.
Ever since that night, I was feeling that may be I needed a social break. However after yesterday, I realized that I do not need a social break but, rather a break from the group I have belonged to for such a long time.
I do not want to get together with them as a group anymore and I have no intention of sharing what I feel with any of the others.