Mom Day 45

Thank you all who have commented. I appreciate your well wishes and prayers. They are much needed. Please do take care and be safe!

Mom is still in the ICU and we still cannot see her. Her lungs are not getting any better despite the heroic efforts of her doctors. They have ruled out Covid-19 after three tests. Pneumonia can be deadly for 30% of the elderly and we think, her situation may be just that. Her other organs are under stress now too. The only thing that keeps us sane is that her doctors are not giving up on her. I can see the tests they giver her daily, the meds they try and the CT scans. There is no such thing as a DNR in Turkey and the family is never asked to permit pulling the plug unless the brain is dead. So, everybody is fighting.

My sister says mom is sort of like in limbo trying to decide whether to cross over or stay on our side. The other day she said, not only mom but we all are in limbo too because of not knowing what is gonna happen next.

This is the most painful experience of my life. Normally, one expects her parents to die before oneself but we all thought (wished, hoped) we had at least another good ten years to go with mom. We never expected her to be in the hospital for so long and we surely never thought we would not be able to see her and whisper that we love her into her ear.

Every single day is plain torture. I try to read, watch TV or just surf the Net just to keep my mind from constantly thinking about mom. Then, I feel guilty because I am trying to not think about her. I do not want to talk to any of my freinds because, I am tired of telling them the same exact thing. However, when I do talk to some of them, I feel a bit better. Then I feel guilty again because, I have felt better. I am caught in this terrible vicious cycle.

However, there are other life requirements like paying taxes, getting tyres switched, grocery shopping and etc. So, we deal with them no matter what.

Tomorrow, uncle and I will take our cars to have the winter tyres be switched with regular tyres. We not only use a mask and a pair of gloves but also a face shield when we go out. Many people may think we are overdoing it but, I am obese and I have a high blood pressure problem so, those put me on top of the very vulnerable list. The Government is very keen on getting back to normal because the economy has already tanked. They seem to not care about the death toll. I know they are not being honest about the number of deaths and the sick patients they publish every day. Even if the world goes back to normal, I have a feeling that I will not, at least for another year or two.

Honestly, I would prefer alien invasion over what we are going through right now.

Again, take care and be safe...