How weird...

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I feel more at ease and motivated to work on my projects. That bigger project is coming our way but, on the terms I wanted so, that is a big relief. 

Meanwhile another person working for my friend put in her notice. Ouch! I had a feeling that this was coming our way because, I sensed her tension a long time ago. So, this means my friend will need more support than ever. Well, OK. As I have made a promise, I will honor that. 

Today, I was talking to her and I had told her part of my not wanting to do this job was due to the fact that I wanted to control my time and that I was unable to do so. That was causing most of the stress.

She said, I am welcome to plan my time and when an unplanned meeting pops up, she will take over. I know she does not want to lose me completely. Still, we talked about the kind of person she needs to get on board. 

On top of all this, my ex-boss called me to say that, there is a project right up my alley and would I consider it? I told him, I really did not want to work. He asked me to hear out this gentleman who is in trouble with a particular part of his organization and he needs someone to help him decide what to do with it. Since I like my ex-boss very much, I said OK.

I spoke to the gentleman and another lady who is in his team and it looks like an organizational structuring problem. So, I agreed to meet with them on Tuesday. I will wear two masks. This is going to be my first face to face meeting in months. I told my friend that this could be a project we might do together and she is in.

So, you see as I was avoiding work, I got myself involved with more. Hopefully, I can be done with them in a really short time.

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Today, my friend called me and told me that the company who might give us the big project asked her to lower our prices. That means they are considering to work with us. When she was asking my opinion on some aspects of the quote, she sensed that not everything was fine on my end. She inquired about what troubled me and I told her that, honestly, this work was not for me. 

I then went on to tell her that I would never jeopardize the current projects and this one if it happens. I will deliver as I have promised whether I like it or not but, in the long run she needs to find someone who likes to do this kind of work.

She was upset and told me that it was her fault because she started me with the wrong project and with a very difficult customer. I told her, that was not the reason and she was not to blame for it. I also told her that I valued our friendship and would not want this decision to drive a wedge between us and she agreed. I could tell she was disappointed but, when her partner was leaving, if I hadn't told her that I would help, she would've found another solution, right? Besides, right around that time, the pandemic happened and there weren't a whole lot of work and I was dealing with mom's sickness and passing. It has been a year since we had that conversation.

It is not like I am hanging her out to dry. Until she finds the person who would like to work with her, I will be supporting her. A promise is a promise.

I wasn't expecting to tell her what I was thinking just yet but, the opportunity presented itself and I felt compelled to blurt out the truth.

I feel relieved already. Thank you "Cheapchick", "One Family, One Income" and "Treaders" for your encouragement. 

Ugh!

Some of my fellow bloggers may recall that, I have talked about not liking the part-time job I now have. I was thinking of a way to gracefully put and end to it but, I got sucked further into it.

The more I think about this, the more I get worried and stressed. I have three projects that I am working on and a bigger one which would require more of my time for at least 6 months, may be coming my way soon.

My friend sounded worried so, I felt compelled to agree to the bigger one telling her my conditions. I fear those conditions will be stepped all over, once the project starts.

Finally I have decided to wait and see if the big project will happen or not. If it does, I will work on it but meanwhile tell my friend that I do not enjoy this business and that I would no longer be available after the project. If possible, earlier than that if she can find a replacement. 

I do not want to withdraw just yet because, I do not want to cause her more stress. She has enough at home and at work.

However, I do have a feeling that what I consider a thoughtful approach might still hurt our friendship. My friend is an emotional person. I understand the situation and after careful consideration, I decided I am willing to risk it for the sake of my own sanity. I am 54. My dad had passed away when he was my age. Life is too short to endure unnecessary stress. If this is going to cost me a friendship, so be it. I hope, she approaches this in a more mature manner. I am willing to give her ample time so as not to stress her.

This had been occupying my mind and that was why I was silent for a few days. 

Nice long walk with HS buddies

Today I met with two of my friends from my High School to walk. Since my school was huge,  we never were in the same classroom and we weren't friends but, during re-unions we became friends and we now have a small group of people who are really tight.

It was 45 degrees Fahrenheit but, we still sat outside and had tea out of a thermos during our break. I brought sweet tangerines. Hot tea and vitamin C!

We walked 4 miles and half of it was quiet hilly. If that park weren't so far, I would walk those trails every day. It is such a great workout. I need to cross the bridge to go there so, I only go when we can get together.

While we were there, we saw the first snow of the year but it did not last more than 5 minutes. Hopefully, there will be some more snow tomorrow.

Yesterday, I decided to walk in my neighborhood and about half a mile from my apartment, I found a small park where there is a tartan track around it. It is rather short but, the soft shock absorbing ground was divine. If I get out my apartment, go there and walk like 10 times around it and walk back, I might hit 10,000 steps. I see myself walking there a lot in the coming days. I love walking by the sea too but it takes a while to get there as well. So, now I have four alternatives plus the treadmill at home. Not bad.

After our walk, one of my friends told me there was a farmer's truck at the end of the parking area. She said everything he sold came from his own gardens so they were really fresh. I went to the truck and got some salad greens and broccoli. They were not only fresh but very inexpensive as well.

All in all, it was a nice day. I have a meeting at 1 p.m. tomorrow. Right after that, I plan to go the nearby park again. It will be colder but I will bundle up.

Curfew

Due to increasing Covid cases and due to people's ignorance, the Government started a curfew about a month ago.

On weekdays, people can be out and about between 5 a.m. and 9 p.m.. 65+ can only be out between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. and kids under 18 can be out only between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. The weekend curfew starts at 9 p.m every Friday and lasts till 5 a.m. Monday morning. Grocery stores, food delivery and pharmacies are open. You can go get emergency needs but, you cannot drive. You have to go to the nearest place and be done with your business quickly. Funerals and Weddings are still happening but there are limits to the number of people attending. 

The 65+ citizens are totally pissed but we have heard stories about a 79 year old lady who had been to 8 different weddings in 10 days in a rural area and spread Covid to several people who infected even more so, the entire town had to be quarantined. Entry and Exits were banned. Another old lady who had Covid was found trying to escape from the balcony because she was bored. There had been people with the infection who insisted they had to keep on doing their businesses. I understand people are hurting economically but, 

The Government came up with the idea of a smart phone app where you download an app. When you have business at any government agency you have to give them your code so that they can look up whether you had been identified as a Covid case or not. This is by no means mandatory. I have downloaded it and had to use it while selling the apartments in summer. 

The app also gives you a map of wherever you are and the severity of the situation in that general area. So, you can make informed decisions. If everybody used it voluntarily, I am sure we would be a lot more informed but, everybody has a different point of view about freedom. At this point, if I get infected and die, my freedom will not matter so much. So, I choose to use it.

It also shows if you have broken social distancing in the last day, week or fortnight. It shows if you have crossed paths with infected individuals or not. I think it is a great tool and wish a majority of the population would use it till the pandemic goes away.

It had gotten really bad around where I live about two months ago but, nowadays it is so much better despite the fact that we are still in the red.

So, I am home today and tomorrow. It is dark and rainy today. In a few minutes I will go walk on my treadmill while watching a stupid reality show. Anything that helps me keep on the treadmill is fine. Lol!

Poor Trees

It has been unusually dry and warm this year. Today was 66 degrees and I went out for a walk by the seashore. I had a T-shirt and a windbreaker, yet it felt hot after walking for about 50 minutes. On the way back home, look what I saw:

Poor trees think, it is Spring because of the warm weather! They are in full bloom.

Today, I also went to the Fish Market and bought a huge seabass (3.3 lb) and a big bonito. Half of the seabass, the bone and the head are in the freezer. The head and the bone will be a fish soup later on. I ate a big portion of the other half and a salad for lunch. Remaining portion will be added to my salad tomorrow.

I have divided the bonito into two portions and froze them. Can you tell I love fish?

The curfew for the weekend will start at 9 p.m. today. So, during the weekend, I will be walking on my treadmill.

Between Breakers

 Today I went to the seashore to walk. I walked over one of the wave breakers and recorded the below video. You can hear the wind. It was a nice sunny day. 

Not Resolutions... Just Good Intentions

I used to come up with New Year resolutions in the past but, they always went down the drain in merely weeks not even months. 

So, this year, I have good intentions to:

- Eat more plant based proteins and eat more healthy

- Exercise more

- Lose weight

- Evaluate my part-time jobs to see if they are worthwhile to keep

Since the first three need no explanation, let me talk about the fourth one.

As you might know, I have two friends I work with. One has a traditional consulting company and the other is a boutique headhunting agency specializing in only technical jobs. I had started the latter just before mom got sick and I had stopped pursuing it till October-November due to my depression. 

With the first one, I have put in "one day" in all of 2020. Just one day. This was mostly due to the Global Pandemic and the taking economy in this country. We have had some internal discussions about what to do with the changing market but, I have a feeling we are not getting anywhere. So, it is just sitting there.

I have my two real projects with the second one now. This type of work pays only if we place a position and if the customer pays the invoice. This is a job more stressful than I thought it would be. Takes a lot of effort to come up with a good short list to the Customer who can reject it without real reasons. They are very picky but, they have to understand that the best candidates want more money, some of them do not want to work for this company, some of the others do not want to be "outsourced" employees and etc. Today, we will talk to this customer to find out why they keep changing their minds about the required qualifications. 

I sometimes question why I am even doing this? It started when my friend had a cancer operation and her business partner decided to leave and she was terrified. She was very depressed and I had told her that I would help her. Then the pandemic happened and she was not swamped by work as she thought she would be. She closed the books with a profit. She is not as stressed now and her health is also in good shape. Meanwhile, I lost mom and I could not contribute much to her last year.

On the other hand, this job keeps me occupied and what is the better alternative? Even if I cannot earn a penny for, say the next 6 months, what is the harm? With the pandemic, I stay home most of the time and get bored doing housework, surfing the Net and watching Netflix and such. Besides, the extra money can be nice.

I think most of us are wired to see the financial outcome of our efforts on a regular basis and it is now hard for me to understand whether my effort is going to generate meaningful income. Also, despite the fact that this is a part-time job, it takes a lot of my time. A meeting at 11 a.m. and another at 4 p.m. eats all my day. For instance today, I wanted to get out and drive around a little because I have cabin fever. We were under lockdown for 4 days and before that I haven't gone anywhere except for grocery shopping. I even miss driving. However, due to the meetings I have at 11 and at 4, I can't go anywhere.  I think not being able to control my time gets to me. The 11 meeting will likely last an hour and then I have 4 hours till the next meeting but here in Istanbul, if you go out with your car, you can easily get stuck in traffic and may not make it home on time for the meeting. I am not taking the chances.

I like to base my decisions on logic rather than emotions so, I have decided to keep a time sheet for myself to see how many hours of my life energy will generate income and how much? I must admit I am in the mood for giving up but, I am trying to control myself and intending to give this a chance for a whole year. At the end of the year, I will evaluate how many hours I have spent, how much money I have earned and whether the stress was worth it or not.

Patience is the key, right?