Not Resolutions... Just Good Intentions

I used to come up with New Year resolutions in the past but, they always went down the drain in merely weeks not even months. 

So, this year, I have good intentions to:

- Eat more plant based proteins and eat more healthy

- Exercise more

- Lose weight

- Evaluate my part-time jobs to see if they are worthwhile to keep

Since the first three need no explanation, let me talk about the fourth one.

As you might know, I have two friends I work with. One has a traditional consulting company and the other is a boutique headhunting agency specializing in only technical jobs. I had started the latter just before mom got sick and I had stopped pursuing it till October-November due to my depression. 

With the first one, I have put in "one day" in all of 2020. Just one day. This was mostly due to the Global Pandemic and the taking economy in this country. We have had some internal discussions about what to do with the changing market but, I have a feeling we are not getting anywhere. So, it is just sitting there.

I have my two real projects with the second one now. This type of work pays only if we place a position and if the customer pays the invoice. This is a job more stressful than I thought it would be. Takes a lot of effort to come up with a good short list to the Customer who can reject it without real reasons. They are very picky but, they have to understand that the best candidates want more money, some of them do not want to work for this company, some of the others do not want to be "outsourced" employees and etc. Today, we will talk to this customer to find out why they keep changing their minds about the required qualifications. 

I sometimes question why I am even doing this? It started when my friend had a cancer operation and her business partner decided to leave and she was terrified. She was very depressed and I had told her that I would help her. Then the pandemic happened and she was not swamped by work as she thought she would be. She closed the books with a profit. She is not as stressed now and her health is also in good shape. Meanwhile, I lost mom and I could not contribute much to her last year.

On the other hand, this job keeps me occupied and what is the better alternative? Even if I cannot earn a penny for, say the next 6 months, what is the harm? With the pandemic, I stay home most of the time and get bored doing housework, surfing the Net and watching Netflix and such. Besides, the extra money can be nice.

I think most of us are wired to see the financial outcome of our efforts on a regular basis and it is now hard for me to understand whether my effort is going to generate meaningful income. Also, despite the fact that this is a part-time job, it takes a lot of my time. A meeting at 11 a.m. and another at 4 p.m. eats all my day. For instance today, I wanted to get out and drive around a little because I have cabin fever. We were under lockdown for 4 days and before that I haven't gone anywhere except for grocery shopping. I even miss driving. However, due to the meetings I have at 11 and at 4, I can't go anywhere.  I think not being able to control my time gets to me. The 11 meeting will likely last an hour and then I have 4 hours till the next meeting but here in Istanbul, if you go out with your car, you can easily get stuck in traffic and may not make it home on time for the meeting. I am not taking the chances.

I like to base my decisions on logic rather than emotions so, I have decided to keep a time sheet for myself to see how many hours of my life energy will generate income and how much? I must admit I am in the mood for giving up but, I am trying to control myself and intending to give this a chance for a whole year. At the end of the year, I will evaluate how many hours I have spent, how much money I have earned and whether the stress was worth it or not.

Patience is the key, right?