This is an old saying in Turkish. The other day, I was thinking about that. I have a bunch of young people working for me and as I observe how they interact with each other, whether they are friends outside of work too or not, this old saying came to my mind.
People change after they befriend someone who is toxic. A normally cheerful, self-motivated, hard-working individual may turn into a self-depreciating, depressed person if she/he spends enough time with such a person.
I have seen this pattern in our company several times.
Sometimes a friend can be intellectually challenging and you strive to keep up with her/him. You start learning about different things, you widen your interests and these type of friends uplift your mood and help you become a may be not better but more interesting person.
We cannot choose our families but we surely can choose our friends. I am not saying that we should abandon people who are going through a bad period or suffering in any way. As good friends, we definitely should stand by them and help them any way we can. I am talking about an entirely different type of personality. The one who always complains, who always looks for the negativity in anything and everything, who gossips about people, who constantly digs into other people's personal lives. I also cannot stand materialistic people. They will never be happy.
I treat everyone nicely but, I decide on the distance between us. Life is too short to be in pain. Every day is a gift and I am determined to live it happily and peacefully.
I met a woman about 30+ years ago and kept her at arm's length and eventually, I went a different direction and saw her rarely. Then, about 15 years later met up with her again and she had not changed. All doctors, her daughter she gave up, boyfriends, husbands and all people in official positions treated her poorly.
ReplyDeleteI sort of befriended her to try and help her. She kept showing up on my doorstep with nothing but complaints. One day, she needed to use my computer, the desktop, and drilled out her ears over my keyboard. She sat on the sofa spread her waist-length hair over my best pillow, then took off her sandals and scratched her feet, leaving white stuff on the carpet.
She was nasty to me when I called her but expected me to drop everything when she called, even at 2 am in retaliation for my calling her at 8pm. Too weird.
When I decided to scrape her off my plate, she clung to me. Everywhere I went, if she saw me, she came up whining that she still loved me and wanted us to get back together some day.
Oh, GEEEE, we sounded like more than friends and people gave us strange looks. I had to run from stores to avoid her.
She sent me emails with roses and music and religious stuff. The worst part of the emails was that she sent them to about 200 people, everyone she had their address. So, she was now spreading my email to hundreds of people on the internet.
Once I decided she was a royal pain, it took me a year to be rid of her. She could not be someone to speak to in the store. I had to be mean to get rid of her. My 30+ year impression was correct.
I could go on, but won't....lol
That sounds like a stalker rather than a friend. I am glad you were finally ale to get rid of her.
DeleteI felt sorry for her, but my concern was misplaced.
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