I tossed and turned all night yesterday. I tried listening to soft sleep music or an audiobook and nothing worked. Then I must have fallen asleep around 4 or 5 in the morning and had the weirdest dream.
In the dream, I am talking to mom and I am so glad she is not dead. We are sitting at a table in a place I do not recognize. Looks like a cafeteria or something. She looks a bit confused. I am asking what she experienced when she died and she says she remembers talking to my sister through somebody. I guess like a psychic and I am telling her no, that was me and I try to remind her the conversation and then it dawns on me we could have done that because she was not really dead. I semi-woke up feeling happy and then realized nope, we put her in the ground and remembered the funeral all over again. This is the first time I actually saw her in a dream. Or at least the first dream that I remember.
When my dad passed, I was 27 and my sister was 20. She was still at school. Mom had told me one of his last words was: "It's OK, I will not be worried, there are the girls". So, he entrusted us with her. He knew we would be her support. I am hoping, we have done a good job and that he is proud of us. Now, they have to take care of each other yet again, if there is such a thing.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to process, and grief takes time - perhaps because it's too overwhelming to process all at once.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your dad would be very proud of how you took care of your mom.
Thank you for your kind words.
DeleteThis is similar to a dream I had about both Mom and Dad a couple of weeks after each had died.
ReplyDeleteDad had cancer and had lost his ability to walk. In the dream he and I were talking and he told me he loved his new surroundings and was just about to be able to walk again. It gave me extreme peace.
Mom was in the hospital and ultimately was having trouble breathing when they started to resuscitate her. I had told the hospital staff over and over that she had a DNR, but could not be with her because of covid so they started it anyway. Mom was always very determined and evidently yelled at them to stop, so they did. In the dream I had of her, she told me she was happy, could breathe easily again and she felt so good. The dream was so real I thought she was still alive and I did not know where the hospital had hidden her
Dealing with all this with Mom was much harder than with Dad. We were able to be with him until the end and Mom died in a room full of strangers. Damn Covid!
I can only send virtual hugs Anne. After mom's passing, I started to think about dad more and more more and I think, we were too shocked and young to mourn his loss properly.
DeleteWe took dad to the ER in the morning in an ambulance and by 6 p.m., he was gone. As for Mom, yeah... DAMN COVID!