Frustrated (Venting ahead, beware!)

I don't understand why my weight fluctuates like the stock exchange. I am measuring and watching everything I eat and see the good results on one day on the scale and two days later, it looks like I have gained! Go figure! Is it water? But why? I am already drinking tons of water and watching my salt intake. I guess after 50, the body has a mind of it's own.

I am not going to give up so fast this time. It is basic math. Energy in, energy out! Besides, the endocrinologist is waiting like a hawk to keep on trying to push me into bariatric surgery or Saxenda. No! If need be, I will rather change the doctor. My BMI is fluctuating around 40 so, yes some may consider that a bariatric surgery would be appropriate but, I know without changing your ways, it means nothing.

Today, I pushed myself more on the treadmill and that felt good. So, I will keep at chipping off the pounds. When there is a will, there is a way.

After all, I have gained all this weight in many many years and I was stupid not to control it when it would have been easier. I admit, I was wrong. However, even if I lose 10 kg per year (22 pounds), I will be done with my problem in three years. That is less than 1 kg per month. The key is to change my eating habits. I have to become a mindful eater and it takes a while for habits to develop.

I understand that my problem was eating more carbs than necessary, even with healthy options, I was consuming large portions than I needed. If I were eating a normal portion of pasta, instead of the 1/3 of the Barilla box, I would not be in this position. I was eating big portions and I wasn't putting my mind into what I ate. I could eat pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner. You may get away with that at 15 but, at 52, no way! Also, when I felt down or bored or unhappy or angry, I would find myself in the fridge. I did not keep junk food in there but excessive amounts of even good stuff can make you gain.

As I watch the TLC show, My 600 lb., I realize that I also have some issues I must deal with. Thankfully, I have never been abused or assaulted in my life but, I had some relationships in which things did not work out as I hoped. Things I thought I had forgotten surface from time to time and I must deal with them. I have decided to go through some old photo albums and get rid of some photos which I could not part with in the past. I thought they were a part of my life at one time and I have held on to them. I am thinking that, getting rid of them will make me feel better. There are a couple of things gifted to me. I will get rid of them as well. Yes, they were a part of my past but, they did not bring me happiness after all.

So, there! I have come up with tomorrow's chore.

I dwell on the past too much. I should look ahead and enjoy myself. What could have been or should have been, did not happen. So, why?

There! I got this off my chest. It is almost bed time so, I need to sign off now.