TGIF?

Honestly, after retirement, every day is the same and I do miss TGIFs. When I was working, it was something I used to look forward to. These days, I work rarely. 

When I was little, before my sister was born, every Friday my dad used to come home from work, change his clothes and take my mom and me on a bus ride to downtown to have dinner. The bus service was provided by his workplace and so was our apartment. We did not have a car back then. He and mom had a handful of favorite spots to go. Although we stopped doing it after SIS was born, and after mom started working too, it stuck with me. When I was working, I would always find an excuse to not go directly home after work. I just do not like to be home on Friday nights. It has been a habit from those early times of my life. I always fantasized about a place like Cheers to go after work but, that never happened. Lol! Nowadays, I am always home. Sigh...

Today, I had two interviews scheduled with my second part-time job. I met two very nice people over Zoom. One of them was overqualified for the position in hand. The other one is well suited but, I do not know if she would be willing to leave her comfort zone. Both are good additions to our database.

This morning, I had the natural gas service cancelled at my mom's old apartment. I did not have time to deal with the electricity but, I know I can do it in Istanbul. I also re-activated a new account at a bank I no longer worked with.

I came home to have a late breakfast, had my two Zoom meetings and now, I am relaxing. For dinner I am meeting babyhood friends.

Hope, everyone has a nice weekend!

Busy and Hot day

Today was 37 ℃  (98.6 ℉) and yet I still had some stuff to take care of. I cancelled mom's Cable TV subscription. After that, I went to a Notary to get some more documents notarized. 

These two were easy to do. I then went to cancel her land line but found out that the Internet comes with the land line. I wanted to keep the internet so, I had to fill a gazillion forms with the same info over and over again so that, they can transfer the title to me. It will get processed for a few days and when the transfer is finalized, I will cancel the landline and keep the Internet. 

As I was finishing my errands, a former colleague and a good friend called me and we decided to go to a Starbucks. I haven't been in one since February or may be even January. We sat outside away from a few people who were also there.

We chatted for about an hour and a half and then on the way home, I just went into a grocery store to grab something for dinner. I will make sandwiches for tomorrow for the road. I also got gas so that, I can just get in my car and not stop till I get home.

I intend to do a grocery shopping once I am back in Istanbul and just keep at home for a while. 

As I was filling out the dreadful forms today, I have realized that it has exactly been 2 months since mom passed. Between her 77 day ICU ordeal at the hospital and the shelter-in-place orders I do not think I know what hit us. It is just a blur and the void inside of me is still huge.

What a year this is...

I must go pack up my little suitcase, organize the paperwork, make the sandwiches and just be ready to hit the road tomorrow. I was planning to wash my sheets but, I will just place them in the washer. Sister can take care of that when she comes back here. Hanging up laundry for three weeks to a month does not make any sense. It will only collect dust.

Laughing, smiling, crying...

I decided to scan the dia positives from our childhood on Saturday. I am almost done. There weren't as many pictures as I thought there would be. 700 max.

I remember places, occasions, outfits as I look at the pictures. I even came across my parents' engagement party.

Sometimes I laugh at the pictures remembering exactly a funny moment, sometimes I cry after my parents, sometimes I smile at the pictures in which I was holding my sister lovingly and her funny faces. This has been another bittersweet task.

I was going to go to Ankara for inheritance stuff but, it was so darn hot yesterday night, I could not sleep well. I decided to stay home and finish scanning the pictures. I also finished the sewing tasks so, the machine and fabric can be put away. I have some more projects coming up, but, I will clean this room first.

I know that remembering my childhood as an entirely happy, healthy, sweet time is a huge blessing.

Rest in Peace Mom and Dad! Don't worry, I am holding the fort now. I will personally ensure the well being of the remaining family members as best as I can.

Friday wrap up and a cute story from the past

I finished making the masks for uncle. However, didn't want to go out today just to mail them. On Sunday I have to go back to Ankara to deal with soome bureaucracy involving inheritance, taxes and deeds.  I thought they could be done remotely but, when the staff is not trained properly to deal with online processed applications, it gets frustrating. Mom left us an apartment and her share in the family property. I already own the rest of that property and I cannot wait to sell it.

My uncle is dragging his feet to clean the place and take whatever belongs to him. He still thinks since it is a home with some small yard it could be useful. He just does not get that none of us will be living in that city and none of us are up to dealing with a house and a yard. He also thinks since the place will not be sold at a good price (due to some technicalities), it is a waste to sell it. Well...

Anyway, I am doing pretty good with what I eat but not so much with exercise. I have to start loving my treadmill. The treadmill is in the spare room and I have so much unfolded laundry on the bed there along with a drying rack which gets daily use nowadays that, working out is not appealing right now. Need to get that room put together fast. May be after I type this, I will go and take 15 minutes to do whatever I can.

On another note, I have two scales at home and one needs a special battery, the other just died yesterday. It was working fine on Monday and now all it shows is an error message. It is a Tanita scale and I lke it very much. I need to get it fixed somehow.

Yesterday night, I finally slept in my own bed instead of crashing on the loveseat. It took a while to fall asleep but, I did it. I will start going to bed early and try some soothing music or a really boring book to keep sleeping in my bedroom.

Today, I realized that there was a story from my youth that my sister did not know. She was surprised too. It is a kind of funny one actually. Here it is:

I did not have any boyfriends in my early teens. I did not have the time due to having to study very hard and commuting to school every day. Summers were usually at my grandparents and with my parents so, I had some little innocent crushes but, nothing that can be considered slightly as flirting. I was a bit of an introvert too. Yes, I was. I am surprised at that even now.

Well, the summer after my freshman year, I turned 18 and we went to a vacation spot ran by my dad's workplace. We came accross and old schoolmate of his with his family. They had two sons, one a year older than I am and another, a year older than my sister. The two families became very friendly. Their son and I became friends and took long walks together, sat by the sea at night, sort of like a very very little flirting thing. My dad went nuts. He would tell my mom to stop me to hang out with this guy. Mom would argue with him thinking that he was nuts, etc. He never said a word, himself.

After this 12 day vacation, we went to grandmas. One day I told my dad that I wanted to go on a long walk with him and I opened up his dreaded subject of me becoming an adult and showing interest in the other sex. After a long speech delivered by yours truly, we came back home to grandmas and not another word was said.

When we went back to our home, the guy started calling me to get together and my dad would be telling me I could not. So, one day, I sat him down and told him that I did not want to lie to my parents but I did want to keep being friends with the guy and if I did, they wouldn't even know.

A few days later, dad called me to the breakfast table and said: "Well, your mom and I talked about this your growing up thing. You are right. We do trust the values we gave you and we trust you and your choices. We know you will not do anything stupid to harm yourself and jeopardize a bright future ahead of you. However, I am a bit old fashioned and I just cannot bear the thought of you dating someone. So, as long as you tell us at what time you will be home, we will not ask you who you were with or what you have done". I looked at my mom and she just rolled her eyes. I asked him wouldn't it be rather safer to know who I hang out with and he said "No. I decided to trust your judgment than be uncomfortable and hurt our relationship as father and daughter". I said "OK. Fine. I know, noone will be sorry". This worked out fine for everyone.

So, that was our deal. To this day, my sister did not know that and she is shocked. Lol! Needless to say, dad was never as strict with my sister who is a social butterfly. She also wouldn't mind lying to her parents :)

Can't think of a post title

First and foremost, I would like to thank you all who commented on my last post. I appreciate your well wishes and prayers. We do need them very much.

Mom is still in the hospital, still the same. Not getting any better. She has pneumonia in both lungs. 3 Covid tests came out Negative. She is still intubated. This is day 17.

Us? Still hoping for the day she recovers and comes back home. .

I have been driving myself insane by checking mom's health account several times during the day. Feeling very depressed, having panic attacks and gaining weight because of mindless eating.

Well, Wednesday night I have suddenly decided to pack up and go to Mom's home to stay with my uncle in Ankara. I do not know what triggered it. All Thursday, I packed my suitcase, my home office gadgets, meds and pantry and carried them out to the car. Took me several trips. Early Friday morning, I packed the contents of my freezer and just left Istanbul at 5 a.m. and I have arrived safely at mom's before noon.

And then, at night it has been announced that travel between 30 major cities is banned and will be regulated by permit only. Wow! Just wow! I cannot imagine having to stay in Istanbul when I wanted to come over here. It was a very close call.

I am glad I did this. Staying with my uncle turned out to be a very good idea and although he is very concerned about his sister, he is calming me down. Apparently, Sis, BIL and uncle were worried about my health. So, they are happy that I did what I did.

My uncle is 15 years mom's junior and 9 years my senior. It just occurred to me today that mom is his only living family member other than us, his 4 nieces. I have two cousins, daughters of my older uncle who passed a few years ago. And, there is my sister and I. Poor guy! Being the youngest in his family, this is expected but, still he is very close to mom and they get along really well.

Stay safe and stay healthy!

Dad

Today is a sad day. My dad passed away today in 1994. I was 27 and SIS was only 20, still at College. It was due to an unexpected aortic aneurism so, it could not be avoided.

He would be turning 80 this year. My heart still aches and my eyes still well up after 26 years.

However, as a family we almost always remember him with smiles. He had a great sense of humor.

Dad, we love you and miss you very much.

Missing my Home

I left my apartment on October 22nd for my vacation and came back home on January 8th. I unpacked, did tons of laundry, packed again and came to Ankara on January 13th. The first two weeks, I had been taking mom to the hospital mostly. After she recovered, we had been organizing her new apartment.

So far, I have helped mom organize the kitchen cabinets, her closet and drawers, the bathroom drawers, the closet at the entrance and the closet in the room that I stay. I donated all that she wanted to get rid of. She wanted new ottomans and some other smallish things. I found them online and upon her approval, I have ordered them. There are two closets/cupboards in the balcony to be organized but since, it is too cold, she wants to organize them when it warms up possibly in early April.

I am thinking of organizing all hand tools because, there are multiples of some of them and the extras can be set aside for my SIS and BIL for the new apartment they intend to buy over here.

So, since January 12th, I have been here and I am very homesick.

Uncle is coming tomorrow and my mom's control appointment is on February 28th. Depending on the test results etc., I am hoping to go back home right after that. Uncle can take her to the doctor's too but, I go in with her and talk to her doctors myself. So, I will wait.

Mom thinks and expects me to be back quickly but, I think I will stay in Istanbul for at least a month. There is so much to do at home and many friends to see.  Needless to say, having lived on my own for all my life, I need my space and time. I was alone only for about 10-12 days when I was on my road trip in November.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and my friends and I feel truly blessed by having so many who do care about me. On the other hand, I need my "me" time doing things I want to do and not having to think about things for others at least for a while.

I also need to talk to my friend about the new business prospect and that requires at least 2-3 meetings.

We were preparing to sell mom's apartment and buy my SIS and BIL a new one closer to where she now lives which is their apartment. However, it looks like the apartment will not be sold for the amount we were hoping for so, I suggested that we could replace the kitchen and other things to their liking and they can use that apartment till they retire and come back to Ankara which is at least 7,5 years away. We will see which course of action we will take.

My sister says if the apartment is sold, half of it should be mine. My lovely stupid little baby sister! When will she get that she is the world to me and what I have is hers? I love her to the moon and back!

Nice Weekend

My SIS and BIL were here over the weekend. I have seen her for the first time in over 4 months so, it was a happy and nice weekend for me.

SIS had some overdue doctor appointments and BIL needed to check up on his parents.  He cannot bear to see his mom as an invalid so, every visit is very painful. His dad is a stubborn old man and he drives poor BIL crazy. They have a live-in caregiver but his dad meddles with everything. He is a bit of a penny pincher. However, I also feel sorry for him too because I am sure he is very bored. He is 81 and he probably did not envision this for his retirement life. His wife has become an invalid about 8 years ago due to a stroke and ever since, life has been very difficult for them. BIL is an only child so, whenever he needs help my uncle and I step up but, if he had siblings, it would have been different.

Anyway, I picked up SIS from her last appointment Saturday afternoon and went out for lunch. Afterwards, we ran some errands for her. BIL called as we were getting ready to go home and told us that his father wanted to visit my mom since she was so sick a few weeks ago because of the RA. I guess the poor man gets very bored as well. We told him to bring him for dinner.

I ordered fish from the downstairs fishmonger. They cooked the fish for us and delivered, so, all I had to do was to fix a salad and set the table. I had a grilled salmon whereas, the rest of them had fried whiting. My sister bought some banana and strawberry rolls as dessert, which we served with tea after dinner

We had breakfast yesterday morning and then SIS and BIL went to see his parents. They came home around 5 p.m. and we took care of some things around the apartment for my mom. Then we took them to the airport because it was too cold. It was well below freezing and the wind made it even colder.

SIS and BIL want to buy a small apartment here because, they still have their master bedroom here in the apartment which my mom is now occupying. It is a huge space that mom will eventually need to use. I told them not to rush and look for reasonable places and not spend too much money on a small apartment.

I am still very confused about whether I should move back to Ankara or stay put in Istanbul. I need to go home and be on my own for a while. My uncle will come back in a few days and depending on the road conditions, I will either go to Istanbul right away and come back for mom's control appointment on the 28th or, go after the 28th and spend most of March in Istanbul. Need to think.

Packing to go home...

As every good thing, my vacation is almost over. I am packing my luggage to fly home on Tuesday.

It has been a wonderful time but I do miss my home now. I am also worried about my mom. My uncle and sister were telling me she was not her usual self, having difficulty to move around, not wanting to go out, not wanting to eat much and being in a generally sickly mood. She was OK till she had to have her appendix taken out and go for all the other tests. She passed everything with flying colors but now she is not feeling well? That is very strange.

I just bought my train ticket for the 13th of January from Istanbul to Ankara. Just spoke to mom as well. I will be making an appointment online to take her to a doctor on the week of 13th.

There are many important decisions awaiting me this year. We'll see...

Surprise that I figured out

Since I am going to be away from home for almost three months, my sister and BIL decided to come to Ankara and say goodbye. They wanted it to be a surprise but, I read between the lines while I spoke to my sister several times last week and figured out that they would be coming.

My sister tried too hard to hide the truth I guess. Lol!

Anyway, early this morning my uncle showed up. We took both cars to the tire place for winter tires so, I did not have to make two trips. I ran a few errands for mom. Later in the afternoon my sister and BIL showed up grinning from ear to ear. We all went out for dinner and had a good time. It has been quiet a while since the five of us have been together.

Tomorrow, we are having breakfast together and then, they will be on their way back to Izmir. On Tuesday, I am leaving for Istanbul.

Life is on the fast track.

Phewww! Good News!

Today, I looked up results online and saw that the biopsy report was completed. However, I could not access it. So, I called the Report Department of the hospital and asked them to e-mail me the results. They did. I instantly realized that there was nothing bad but, I wanted to be sure so, I took a picture of the report and sent it to a pathologist friend of mine.

She responded immediately saying that the results were good and there was nothing to be worried about. What a relief!

I love having several doctor friends. Almost all of them are my HS mates. It was a great school and my friends are really nice and cool people. We get together every year at a beach resort run by another school mate but, this year I could not go. They have been posting pictures on our FB group and asking about my mom. I am so thankful for having them in my life.

To celebrate I baked a marble cake and made tea for both of us. She is very relieved too.

Tomorrow we will go see her doctors and I am sure they will confirm the same good results.

I had put a stop on all preparations about my long US vacation. I was going to cancel it if she needed another surgery and long term care. Now I must go back to my gift lists and start shopping.

I also need to renew my driver's license and I am going to take care of that on Wednesday.

Thank you for all of you who had sent good wishes and kept us in your prayers.

Still waiting

I think we will not find out about the result of the biopsy before Tuesday when we go to the doctors. Waiting is killing everyone in the family.

On another note, there are still errands to run to keep us busy. I did three loads of laundry the day before. Today, mom and I went to get my new glasses (they have a weird feeling, need to be adjusted), get back my uncle's now waxed coat. Then we made a stop at a farmers market to get some veggies and figs. Fresh figs are in abundance these days. They are so sweet and good.

We then when to one of my mom's favorite places for lunch and she treated me. We both napped when we got back home.

While this biopsy is hanging up in the air, I cannot think of anything to do or write.

Waiting may be the worst...

Mom had her endoscopy, colonoscopy and the other procedure yesterday. The day before, since she was trying to empty her bowels out, she could not sleep at all. During the day, she has been put to a mild sleep twice. As soon as we got home, we both slept soundly for a long while.

The pathology reports will be available within a week or ten days. Her uterus is still a suspect. She has mid reflux and gastritis. Her colon was fine. The doctor found just one polip and removed it. We will know if there is going to be another surgery in a few weeks.

Waiting is the worst I think.

Today, she is back to her old self thankfully.

Tomatoes!

There are a few more weeks while we can get the best tomatoes at the best possible prices. Today, I went to a farmers market and despite my mom's protests, I bought about 20 pounds of tomatoes. I processed them and scooped them into ziploc type bags. She likes them in the winter for cooking yet she did bot want me to do it for her.

I did not listen and I am glad. She now has lots of good quality tomato sauce nicely freezing. Now she is happy. I guess she thought I was too tired and just did not want me to bother.

I am done with errands. I would like to relax during the weekend and go back to Istanbul on Monday.

47 days to go till my big vacation! getting impatient and excited.

Gotta tell this!

I have mentioned in my earlier post that, mom had an appendectomy.

Sunday morning I woke up at 9 a.m. and until 10 p.m. the next night, I could not sleep at all. The first night at the hospital, she had too much pain and she could not find a comfortable position to sleep. In 7 hours I took 1020 steps between her bed and the recliner at the foot of her bed! At my weight, getting up and down several times during that time was terrible. My leg muscles and my back still hurts.

At 10 p.m. I finally could not bear it any longer and made sure she was comfortable, then fell into a very very deep sleep on the recliner. Mom needed to get up and she called me some time after midnight and I did not hear her! I am so embarassed! Since we could not find a single room at the hospital due to some renovation, we had to share a room with another sick lady and her niece. The niece heard my mom and instead of waking me up, she went to help her. Such a nice person! She was quiet the chatterbox and entertained us with all her interesting stories. We exchanged cards and promised to see each other. They do not live too far away from us.

Anyway, I got up at 5 a.m. and heard the story. I am thankful they let me sleep but, I was also very embarassed.

She was discharged by noon time and as soon as we got home, we both wanted to nap and nap we did! It was dinner time, when I finally woke up and found my mom making soup. She said, she realized how tired I was and did not mind throwing together a simple tomato soup (from scratch). She is the one who had the procedure and I was the one who could not get over it.

To be honest, I started feeling better only today.

Back at home... again...

I hope, I will not be traveling anytime soon. I will drive mom to Ankara late August and return early September. Then I will most likely take the train to Ankara mid October for our doctor visits before my flight to the US. That is all I want to do.

We left Izmir early yesterday in the morning and went to a small town where we had a summer home many years ago. Mom said, she missed the place so, I decided to re-route. We made it there by lunch time, had lunch at my mom's favorite place, sat by the marina, had coffee and bought ourselves matching sun dresses. Lol!

Then we stopped at another town to visit an outlet store and looked at towels as if we needed more. She bought a pair of bedroom slippers and I bought a sheet for her bed.

We bought a water melon, two melons and some onions on the road.

All this activity and road took 12 hours. Mom told me she had a very happy day and that comment made my day. She was very exhausted this morning but still happy. So, I went out alone and did our food shopping. I did not buy vegetables since, I want to get them from the farmers market on Saturday. I bought a lot of meat for upcoming meals and fish for tonight's dinner.

I am glad we have food in the freezer that I cooked a couple of weeks ago. We do not need to cook much for a while. I am planning light meals such as a salad and some kind of meat. I would like to have a soft taco night since I have been craving that kind of food. I make my salsa and guacamole from scratch.

I also did three loads of laundry today so, I am exhausted. Good to be back at home.

When you see your parent age...

Mom is my rock. She is someone I have always looked up to. She will be turning 77 in a couple of weeks.. I see her taking her cane more these days. She also says one day isn't like the next. She sometimes feels very strong, other times not so much.

Nowadays, she has developed an interest in getting a rollator with a seat. Her walking distance is getting shorter and shorter and she always looks for some place to sit. She thinks a rollator is a good solution and so do I. She has the stamina to go and see places but, doesn't have the physical endurance.

I remember her as a young woman who could move mountains if she wanted to. Watching her slow down is sad but also, a fact of life. I even feel myself slowing down at 53 sometimes.

On the other hand, I did not have the chance to see my dad age. For all we know, he will always be 54.

So, seeing a parent age is also a blessing albeit, a bittersweet one.

Hoping to have several good years with my family in good health.

Dad

I lost my dad way back in 1994 when he was only 54 and I was just 27.

It was an unexpected death due to an aortic aneurism. It was a Sunday in February. I was just up from the bed when my mom told me something was wrong with him. I called the ambulance and we took him to the Emergency Room at a large university hospital around 10 a.m. and by 5 p.m. he was gone.

He had lost his dad as a child at the age of 9. Having lived through that loss, he wanted to be a great dad.

He was an agricultural engineer with a PhD on plant protection.

He was a very loving father, a true family man and he sacrificed a career just to make sure both my sister and I receive the education he wanted us to get. We were good students and made him proud.

He had a great sense of humor which could be annoying at times. His worst habit was that he worried too much and was a born pessimist. I may be like that at times but, not as much as he was. He loved reading and learning about new things. In that respect, I have taken after him too.

We had our differences growing up especially when I was a teenager but, mom always managed us both. She was and still is the boss.

I cannot imagine having someone else as a father. I loved him very much and still miss him. Not a day goes by that I do not think about him or remember something funny he might have said.

I hope, you are resting in Peace Dad! Happy Father's Day!

Dietician MIA and Cooking...

I wanted to touch base with my dietician so, I logged on to the website to make an appointment. She is gone! There are two new names. I was going to make an appointment with one of them but, decided against it.

As long as I can keep on losing weight, I will do without a dietician. If I get stuck, I will go see one of those two ladies.

I am trying to walk 7500 steps at least 5 days out of 7. I sometimes slip but, don't give up on my diet. I haven't eaten even a slice of cake on my birthday. However, I did eat a cheeseburger. No fries though...Go me! Lol...

Tomorrow, I will weigh myself in the morning. Hoping for a loss of at least two more pounds.

I have added a sheet to my Excel File to follow my weight loss and exercise. I am logging my data every day and using charts for visual aid. This keeps me in check.

I am preparing all the meals and mom is very happy about that. She hates having to consider what to make and enjoys being served healthy meals.

I promised my sister that when we go to visit them on the 24th, I will take over meal prep duty so that she can concentrate on losing weight as well. She and her husband are branch managers at a bank and they come home very late. Unless they have something pre-made, they tend to eat rather late. If they find dinner ready when they get home, it will be great. I will also prepare her breakfast, lunch and snack to pack. She just bought a new fridge with a big freezer section. I am hoping to stock her freezer before we leave. I guess you can tell that I love my baby sister to the moon and back!

I'm Back!

I went to Ankara last week. Mom had just returned from Antalya with uncle and her home was in desperate need of cleaning. Her cleaning lady can no longer come because, apparently she and her husband had been divorced due to some financial issues but kept living together. She has two young daughters. As I understand, the ex-husband had promised to re-marry her after the financial things got sorted out but, he did not keep his promise. So, her brothers came and took her with them to the village they were from. I understand that her mom needs to be looked after and the brothers want her to look after the mom. The poor woman is separated from her home and her kids. She tried escaping back to re-unite with her children but, her ex threatened her that he would spread bad rumors about her and that her brothers would hear that too. He is probably seeing someone else. Some people... Sigh...

I found two young cleaning ladies through a friend of mine. They come together and instead of staying for the day, they are done within 4 hours. Last wednesday, they came for the first time. Mom liked them and I hope, they liked mom too. I told them, we would pay for their services even if mom is not home so, we want them to keep the half day every two weeks on Mondays. We will see...

I took her and my sister's FIL to the cardiologist. I also saw the cardiologist and my eye doctor. I am happy to report that everything is OK. The only thing left is a mammogram and a control appointment with the nephrologist.

I saw some friends while I was in Ankara and it was a nice visit overall.